Week 5 Autopsy

Some thoughts on Week 5

I’ll defend Bruce Arians to the hilt, but yesterday was embarrassing. Against Peyton Manning, you need to be at the top of your game. But the Cardinals burned all three of their first half timeouts in the first quarter. All three to avoid delay of game penalties! Take the delay of game! It’s only five yards, he screamed into the abyss. To wit: after the 2nd burned timeout, the Cardinals completed a pass for 15 yards. FIVE YARDS IS NOTHING, he screamed again. But nobody will listen. The Cardinals got the ball via kickoff down 21-13 with 1:37 left in the half. With no timeouts the players seemed to think it was not worth much effort, and a few feeble plays led to a punt.

Jay Cutler is killing me with these interceptions. I defend the guy all week, Trestman shows flashes of brilliance, the game is winnable, but Cutler just chucks the ball to the wrong team, seemingly for the hell of it. Who’s he throwing to? One was intended for Santonio Holmes. Trust me, Jay. You’ve got Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffery, Matt Forte and Martellus Bennett. Santonio is just out there to run clear-out routes and picks. Use him to look off safeties, and then THROW IT TO SOMEONE ELSE. Especially on 2nd down. There’s no need for desperation on second down.

Lions kicker Alex Henery 0-3 on FGs. Yeah, yeah, boo the kicker. Hey, I hate kickers more than you (I promise!) but it’s not the kicker’s fault. He doesn’t decide to run out there and kick. This is where coaches have to be held accountable. When you’re kicker is 0-2, you should be aggressive and try to win the game, instead of sending a basket case out there to miss a third one. Today the kicker was cut, meaning they don’t think he deserves a roster spot. If you think the kicker is close to not deserving a roster spot, DON’T SEND HIM ONTO THE FIELD TO KICK A 50 YARD FIELD GOAL. Especially when he’s missed a 44 yarder and a 47 yarder. Just two weeks ago, Jim Caldwell said he loved Henery. But Jim Caldwell’s love is a fickle mistress. And Jim Caldwell is famously a moron who should be dragged through the streets.

One week after calling for Mike Tomlin to be fired, I’ll go further. He should be shot. The Steelers were ahead 17-9 with the ball at the two minute warning and the Jaguars out of timeouts. The ONLY way the Steelers could lose would be to throw the ball. What did the Steelers do? THEY THREW THE BALL.

The Dallas Cowboys have reached a new low, and by that I mean new heights in hilarity. Look at this! You’ll probably need to click on it to make it bigger but that right guard leaning over to the center is the unmistakable sign of THE SILENT COUNT.



AT HOME? AT HOME! The worst home field advantage in the NFL is Jerry’s House. I remember seeing an interview with Jerry when his new stadium was opened. Referring to BILLIONS OF DOLLARS, Jerry said “We coulda spent 1.1, but we spent 1.7.” That about sums up ole Jerral. But he’s not the worst one down there. HC Jason Garrett can go fuck himself. He gets this week’s Mike Smith award for taking long FG for granted. First Jason Garrett took a 53 yarder for granted. The kicker missed. So a few minutes later, in overtime, Garrett took a 49 yarder for granted. The kicker made it, so Garrett will keep getting patted on the back by Jerral and they’ll wrestle in pits of oil and gold. I know the Cowboys are 4-1. But by the end of the season, the chickens will come home to roost. Just as they have EVERY YEAR SINCE THE MID NINETIES.

Geno Smith benched, FINALLY. But according to Rex, Geno’s still the starter. So for this week I won’t waste your time on the Jets, because they don’t really give a shit so why should you or I?

I spent most of the week avoiding moronic articles/podcasts etc about how the Patriots dynasty was over. Then the Patriots beat the previously undefeated Bengals 43-17 in a game that was never competitive. A return to the two TE sets, many with an honest to God FULLBACK in James Develin. If you knew me, you’d know I love some 22 personnel. Why the Patriots won’t use Shane Vereen more, I’ll never understand. 10 carries, 90 yards.


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