The Ballad of Mike “No Balls” McCarthy

Rarely does an NFL coach and team get EXACTLY what they deserve. But lo and behold Mike McCarthy and the Packers reaped what they sowed right in front of us all yesterday.

Kicking FGs on Fourth down from the 1 is basically giving points to the opponent. It’s also admitting you have no courage and no faith in your offense – in the parlance of our times, it means you have no balls. McCarthy not only did it, he did it TWICE. On consecutive possessions! As if he had bet his house on the Seahawks winning. As if he thought a 6-0 lead would mean something in the first quarter.

It wasn’t just McCarthy. Aaron Rodgers seemed pleased with going three and out multiple times with a trip to the Super Bowl on the line. Morgan Burnett intercepted a ball and could have run it back for a touchdown, but he took the advice of genius Julius Peppers and slid to the ground. The Packers special teams FG block team was so predictable, a fake easily scored a TD. AND McCarthy took two timeouts home with him. Like a goddamn moron.

Congratulations, Packers! Enjoy another winter in Wisconsin with your shitty coach.

As for Aaron Rodgers, if he was as good as people say, he’d audible and throw the ball. Instead he listens to Mike McCarthy’s horrible advice and says things like “we were the better team today,” in the postgame press conference. The one NOT in front of the Conference Champions banner. Because sometimes when you deserve to lose, you actually lose, even if you were ahead 19-7 with just over 2 minutes left.

Thems the breaks. The hilarious, gut punching breaks.

NOTE: If i could still afford to gamble, yesterday would have either broken me for good or renewed my hope in life. Alas, I had nothing on it. So I’m still the same bastard as the day before.


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