Happy Superb Owl Weekend, Everyone!

“We just want the truth.”

-Roger Goodell, today, with a haughty expression on his ginger face

Why would anyone care about the truth in a sport built on deception? Hell if I know. Two weeks into Ballgazi/Deflategate/The Ballocaust, with by my count THREE worthwhile football articles amid thousands of worthless ones, I’m despondent.

Now we’ve heard from the great and powerful Rog, and he basically had nothing to say other than things like “We have the best partners in media,” and “I’d like to thank, of course, [Arizona?] Governor Ducey, who I had the pleasure of having dinner with last night.” I realize it’s easy to think of yourself as a great commissioner when one sport is run by Bud Selig and the other by whomever replaced David F Stern, but seriously? I hate name-calling, but this guy’s a moron. Or at least he’s dumb enough to think everyone else is a moron. The least surprising thing about Goodell is that he once worked for the Jets.

“We are in a good place in knowing and learning and being more human.”

“More Human Than Human” reference? Rob Zombie would be proud.

The three articles, in case you’re wondering:

Matt Bowen’s Super Bowl Film Study here

Bill Barnwell’s Preview here

Chris Brown’s Bill Belichick piece here

That’s it. I was hoping Greg Cosell would write a piece, and maybe he did, but I haven’t seen it. I saw a good piece on Vince Wilfork and a good one on Marshawn, but neither of those got into the real x’s and o’s of it. The state of football writing is so pitiful that THIS piece is one of the best for simply not bullshitting you into thinking less pressurized footballs matter or that the Seahawks players’ faith in God will help or hinder. If Jesus himself climbed down off that cross, he’d still have a bitch of a time dealing with Rob Gronkowski running the seam, am i rite?

So here’s my take, put online so I can be humiliated by friend and foe when I’m wrong, because football is nearly impossible to predict.

I think the Patriots will win because they can afford to put 8 in the box, while the Seahawks cannot. If the Seahawks put 8 in the box, Brady will audible, and it’ll be pitch and catch. How good was Tom Brady against the Ravens when the defense showed him too much info and he could just check to a quick pass? 22 for 22 for 209 yards and 3 touchdowns. THAT’S INSANE. I think the Patriots will find a way to get Shane Vereen or Julian Edelman or Tim Wright or god knows who open in space against linebackers. On D, if someone can spy Wilson while another guy covers the wheel route, Revis and McCourty should be taking away the other threats.

This game has some of the best players we’ll ever see, from Brady to Gronk, centerfielder Earl Thomas to soul-eating Kam Chancellor, stiff-arming Beast Mode to two-gapping mofo Vince Wilfork. Hopefully they’ll all shine. You want a score? Fine. Patriots 33, Seahawks 24.

But hey, it’s football. Barring an injury to a key player, it’ll probably come down to:

1. turnovers

2. red zone TDs

3. drops (dropped conversion for the offense or dropped INT for the defense)

That’s what makes it so maddening. All of those things are both the product of hard work, and yet random. And that’s why coaches and players search for any edge they can get. And that is why, whatever is going on with the footballs (about which there should be few rules other than the general prolate spheroid shape), Roger Goodell should stop looking for the goddamn truth and let us enjoy what’s left of the sport he’s trying to destroy. That sport that’s built on violence and gambling, with strategy to make the violence and gambling both more fun and more difficult. The greatest sport in the greatest country on the greatest planet. Or something like that.

AMERICAN TACKLE FOOTBALL.

Just fucking enjoy it, the last of the roman numeral Superb Owls.

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