Obituary: Riverboat Ron, d. Feb 7 2016

We lost a bad man yesterday. Riverboat Ron, preferred name Analytical Ron, showed his incompetence on the largest stage. Wasting both of his two challenges on small gains in the first half, mismanaging the clock at the end of the first half, and punting repeatedly when he should have gone for it.

Say what you will about their game plan and play calling, Riverboat Ron put the nails in his own coffin.

Punting on 4th and 1. Punting on 4th and 4. Punting on 4th and 3.

And again near the end, in the play by play it looks like this:

4th and 24 at CAR 6
(1:57 – 4th) B.Nortman punts 57 yards to DEN 37, Center-J.Jansen, downed by CAR-K.Coleman

That’s right. Down by two touchdowns, with a Super Bowl on the line, Riverboat Ron only offered a meek punt instead of trying to win.

Those paid to pay attention held their criticism for another time. “Ron Rivera says this gives me a better chance to get it,” remarked the often-wrong Phil Simms. Once Simms was corrected by his hack but correct partner, Jim Nantz, who pointed out there were less than two minutes remaining after the punt, the Panthers only had two timeouts, and they were down by 14, Simms could only offer silence.

He will be mourned by few, and I’m not in that number, because he never was very good. But Super Bowl 50 was a fitting way to go. Visitation is in Charlotte, the casket will be closed. He is survived by no one, as we are in this world alone.


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